When I go out into the world I bring with me a heart in the form of a torch.
By nature, for whatever reason I feel the need to “play” the role of an illuminator perhaps a people pleaser.
Optimistically, I set up a stand and giveaway pieces of my torch like a food sample representative in a grocery store., some people are not interested, and throw it in the trash. Trapped in this hyper mode, I can often find myself with nothing left, but an ember.
With a dwindling torch I humbly return to those within my circle/my orbit who selflessly breathe the oxygen of love and understanding upon the ember of my soul, with each breath making it glow, once again igniting my hearts flame.
Looking out the window today , a crisp fall wind released a flurry of burgundy leaves, contrasting with the blue gray sky,, for a moment they emulated a small flock of finches dancing through the air on their seasonal journey to warmer spaces..
“Whether in sport or life we have a choice whether to participate in either a finite game, or infinite game.” This is according to James Carse, author of Finite and Infinite Games,
The Finite Game: Within a given set of rules , there is a beginning and an end to the game where there is a winner and a loser.
When the finite game ends, there is a point in time where “The winner” claims a “title” of sorts.
“The titled are powerful. Those around them are expected to yield, to withdraw their opposition, and to conform to their will—in the arena in which the title was won.”
Carse points out that our society is a sort of Finite Game. Those who have money and property tend to feel “entitled”, which historically comes from a time where lords of the land held a “title”.
“Some titles are inherited, though only when the bloodline or some other tangible connection where the original winner had been established, suggesting that the winners have continued to exist in their descendants. The heirs to titles are therefore obliged to display the appropriate emblems: a coat of arms, identifiable styles of speech, clothing, or a certain lifestyle and behavior.
The entitled tend not to ask about philosophy or religion, but rather feel it’s their god given right to tellyou about philosophy and religion.
Carse continues that whether intentional or not, the entitled due their utmost to propagate the idea that the principal function of society is to validate their titles which assures their perpetual recognition as “winners”. The cultural refrain comes to mind, “don’t hate the player, hate the game.”
When you play a finite game you always have to prove something rather than relishing and enjoying the play. Carse cites 18 time grand slam champion Martina Navratilova’s reason for leaving tennis was not from the pressure of having to win but from the pressure of possibly losing.
Imagine taking away the end of the game.. this is what Carse defines as an infinite game. Suddenly with no end, there is no winner, loser, or title.
The Duke Brothers in Trading Places. A snobbish investor and a wily street con artist find their positions reversed as part of a bet by two callous millionaires. To Randolph Duke, losing his title was unthinkable.
Infinite game theory removes all titles. In the infinite mindset, all players are equal. An interesting thing happens when you remove titles, judgement no longer exists. In order for someone to judge you, you must first give them a title. If your finite game mindset bestows titles, putting other players on the “winners” podium, you have only yourself to blame.
I love the recent reincarnation of the Walt Whitman quote, “Be Curious, not judgmental” which inspired a line in the Ted Lasso series, “Only two reasons someone asks you a question. One is that they are curious, the other is to judge.”
“Barbecue Sauce!” -Ted Lasso
In the Infinite game, the end of the game transforms into a horizon, with life milestones along the way. Infinite game play is an open invitation for all to participate as long as mutual respect is shown and the willingness to engage with other players…one step closer to a harmonious society…
“I don’t want to talk about it, but the quiet might be worse”-Sabrina Song “Thaw” Official video
Powerful lyrics, so reflective of the times we live in. A long emotional winter.
“Emotional Winter” photo by Raymond Roy
Personally over the past year, an increasing number of my relationships, typically after “Speaking my truth” have grown cold and I have literally run out words to say. Left only with the heavy dense fog of silence residing in what seems to be ever widening gaps.
I recently heard that in Vietnam, there is a saying, “before you speak your mind, wait for seven heartbeats” (perhaps a lesson to speak from the heart rather than the mind). I suspect the isolating truths I spoke were not from my heart but rather from my mind(ego). As Tolle puts it so well in “The Power of Now”, Egos win when they convince us to focus on the mistakes of our past and the worries of the future. Living in the present moment is the ego’s nemesis.
In the present moment, neither the past nor the future exist……
By design we all need to feel loved, be treated with kindness, and dignity. We need the warmth of an emotional Spring. I am ready to “thaw” by striving to live in the warmth of the present moment and stand ready to count to seven in order to speak from my heart, and not my mind. I hope you’ll join me.
My Doctor recently retired, I was under his care for 20+ years. I appreciated his demeanor and willingness to listen. After he would listen to me, out of mutual respect, it was my turn.
Right on cue, his facial expression turned to that of a muse. He would raise his finger and politely ask, “if I may share something” and then skillfully weave his medical guidance with relatable anecdotes and carefully selected metaphors.
He had seen me through years of anxiety management, from Zoloft, Paxil, therapy and today, happily, anxiety med free.
On the topic of alcohol he called it, “The Great Deceiver”. He mused, “alcohol may momentarily numb emotional pain, but it doesn’t address the source of the emotional distress..” I filed this away in my brain housing unit under the category: “Hmm, I might have to think about that”
Recently I read Malcolm Gladwell’s “Talking to Strangers “in which he presents the theory of Alcohol Myopia (short sidedness). My interpretation in layman’s terms was an alcohol induced “tunnel vision” where depending on YOUR individual state of mind(happy, depressed, angry, adventurous, etc..), as you enter “the tunnel”, will effect your alcohol induced experience.
I grew up around alcoholics and had a front row seat to a wide variety of drunks, kind, angry, racist,loving, deceitful, and the list goes on..I always wondered why alcohol effected people differently and to me, the “tunnel vision” theory makes perfect sense.
Not to limit my position as simply being a spectator, I can speak also from personal experience. I have drank my share of alcohol and can attest to many of the theoretical effects of alcohol myopia.
I look at it as if you are going on a ride at an amusement park. Step right up folks! What’s it going to be tonight?
Enter the Happy, Celebratory Ride: Enter the tunnel happy, excited. Who doesn’t love a good wedding or celebration. Next morning: man what a great time! Memories made for a lifetime.
The Cocky ride: Feeling cocky going into the ride and the beer muscles appear. You feel invincible. I still have a busted up nose as proof.
The Lonely Depressed Ride: Enter sad, lonely, perhaps self loathing.Next morning: Low self esteem is even worse than before. This can become an endless cycle, and the rider simply wants to numb the emotional pain..
The Anger Ride: Enter the ride mad at the world and watch out to whomever is in front of you. I saw this first hand as a kid. It was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
The Racist Ride: I had no idea that the person I was with had racist tendencies until he was drunk, and started shouting racist epitaphs at the middle eastern taxi driver.
The Empty Promises Ride: I experienced this as a kid, yeah yeah we will go fishing, next day, had no clue they even said it.
I am not condoning or discouraging alcohol use and any clinical psychologist’s out there please chime in.. After reading about alcohol myopia and the fact thatalcohol doesn’t change, it makes sense that a key factor of your alcohol experience depends on your state of mind and environment while consuming.
1979: Protest folk music was dying down and Disco had reached its peak.
“Begin the day with a friendly voice, a companion unobtrusive” blasted through the vibrating buzz alarm of the 1960s turquoise clock radio. (Time for school) “Spirit of Radio”by Progressive Rock band Rush Lyrics by Peart Neil Peart that is, aKa The Professor
Photo Source Pinterest
“If you choose not to decide, you still have me a choice” “And the meek shall inherit the earth” “Conform or be cast out” Prophetic words to pubescent outcast teens, proclaiming Peart understood. It’s been a year since Neil’s passing, RIP Professor Sept1952-Jan 2020
100 Words
Photo credit Rolling Stone magazine
Thank you Professor🤘🏼-Goroyboy
This was written for the photo prompt for Rochelle Wiscoff’s Friday Fictioneers 100 word story challenge . Although not a traditional short story. Given the photo prompt of an empty drum set along with the appreciation I have for the artist/poet/lyricist, Neil Peart I found a tribute was in order. additional stories based on the photo prompt can be found here
Seeing those that have passed, my heart fills with love.
Gone is the weight of daily drama,
Which one is better, Trump, Biden or Obama?
Photo Credit: Denise Fullner Kittleson
I will rise,here souls have no gender, doctrine , origin, or race,
no conflict, hatred, color of face.
Time as we know it, does not exist, social media likes, or media twists.
I will rise, becoming stardust, from whence I came, free of life’s burdens, only love, no shame.
I will rise….
Revamped from an earlier version which I felt was timely. The peaceful pictures generously shared by friends reminded me that we will return to the stardust from whence we came.
I cannot speak for others but, I admit it, I want to be liked, and accepted.
I can feel anxious thinking of unresolved personal conflict with others when the relationship emotional bank account with that person is overdrawn, depleted.
What about reconciliation?
That takes commitment from both parties.
Admittedly, I have fooled myself into thinking otherwise, sometimes you CANNOT reconcile.
Unfortunately our polarized society would suggest a short sighted mindset that someone always has to lose.
What is left?
Breathe deeply and slow down for a moment…..
What is the alternative?
Harmony…. If there is power in kindness, harmony is the fuel that feeds it.
In my humble opinion, Living in harmony is quite simple:
Step 1. Recognize the others humanity
Step 2. Commit to living a harmonious life with or without them.
Step 3. Accept the possibility that you may never reconcile with that person.
Step 4. Accept the fact that others(even those you despise) have the same right to the pursuit of happiness as you.
“It is difficult to free fools from the chains they revere“- Voltaire
Who among us doesn’t at least for a moment think the fool Voltaire speaks of, is someone other than ourselves?
We all have chains don’t we?
Chains come in many forms, pride, hatred, greed, spite, envy, These seem obvious as they exude evil.
But what are the “revered” chains Voltaire spoke of?
May I propose they are the shackles of codependency, and physical and/or emotional abuse? Why don’t victims break free of these bindings?
Unfortunately, victims can be so beaten down that sadly this abuse provides a warped sense of security. Knowing that they (the chains) are if nothing else, always there.
Be safe and take care of yourself first so, you can care for others.
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