Tag Archives: trust

I Am Sorry 

Three simple words , without knowing the context, have endless implications/applications. A simple accidental bump into someone, if you interrupt someone, a common courtesy, These type of apologies are typically immediate. The phrase is a polite gesture allowing us to coexist in a somewhat civil society. Making amends can also vary culturally. For example, in Japan the word for sorry is “gomen”. If you are at fault in a car accident, even before judgement and damages are awarded, you are culturally expected to offer what is referred to as “gomen money”. Those familiar with the Far East understand that “saving face”, a karma centered ideology, yields a population of humility and tolerance. I admire the Japanese tact that it in a sense, requires a time of reflection as well as setting the stage for the more western ideology of forgiveness. 
 Humility and forgiveness go hand in hand I have often wondered if it is possible to forgive without an apology. Additionally, must you forgive when an apology is given. For me I believe the answer is simple. If the apology is sincere, it makes it easy to forgive.
However, If insincerity is present does the apology mean anything? I remember when I was around 10, being full of myself, sharing with my Dad Tony, how someone had wronged me and the next day she had apologized to me. I smugly shared, “I told her I didn’t accept her apology”. He immediately scolded me and made it clear that if someone makes the effort to apologize, you damn well better accept it. Looking back, my not wanting to accept the apology was a lapse in judgment in the form of wanting to hurt, those that hurt me. The apology and her taking ownership was the key to breaking the cycle of vengeance and arrogance. We are human, as the Bible says in Matthew 5 23:25, if you come to the altar with a gift but have conflict in your heart with your brother, leave immediately and go to your accuser so that you may resolve the conflict, and then once again return to the altar with a clear heart. 

If an apology never comes? That’s where forgiveness in order for you to move forward is so crucial. 

Peace to you. 

The Omega 13: “15 seconds” of time travel(or how Galaxy Quest saved our marriage)¬†

“God Bless my first wife”my second wife of almost 20 years often thanks god for her “breaking me in”. Broken in or not, one thing if we are being honest, most married couples/couples can attest to is, people say Stupid S#%t. 

In the 1999 Comedy science fiction movie Galaxy Quest, what looked like a not-so-happy ending for the heroic crew was reversed by the “Omega 13 “, a super-charged time travel device which turns back time, you guessed it, for 13 seconds. Who knew that a prop from a Star Trek spoof would be key to improving a relationship. 

The “Omega 13” Copyright by Dreamworks LLC.

The Secret of the Omega 13

When you activate the Omega 13 or what we refer to as “15 Seconds”

When one says “15 Seconds!”, 

1. What was said in the last 15 Seconds is immediately drawn into a black hole located ~6 degrees of off The North Star. 
2. You are immediately admitting you messed up

3. It allows you a second GO by rephrasing, or simply shutting up and hugging the other person.(Wearing a protective cup may be advised if you choose the hugging approach and your initial blurt was incite-ful vs.”Insightful”)

4. You break the tension in the moment because you start thinking of that ridiculous movie and still are amazed that this crazy tool works. 

5. It allows the other person to show mercy. 

6. It allows you to laugh 

I think the real reason “15 seconds” works is because we both are committed to it working. It’s a sign that when you are both spent and really don’t fell like butting heads, you are both willing to (queue Cher, try not to think of that song) turn back time, and find your way, Together. Peace. 

Trust and Root Beer

In honor of the anniversary of what would be my Dad Gerald’s 75th birthday, I would like to share a lesson learned so long ago. I was in 3rd grade, living on 5th Ave. in Kitchener, Ontario. Conditions were as close to a domestic lifestyle as one could imagine given the obstacles my Dad had overcome. His domestic partner, Patricia Fragomeni was a raven haired kind lady and the closest stable Mother figure we had known of late. At school one day I was invited by a friend of mine Ralph to go out and eat dinner that evening. When I arrived home, Pat was cooking at the stove. I let Pat know about Ralph’s invite. She thanked me for letting her know and asked me not to be home too late. 

I arrived at Ralph’s house full of enthusiasm.In hindsight it was a bit odd that Ralph’s mom was preparing dinner. As Ralph grabbed his coat, I verified with him that we were going out to eat. With a quick hush from Ralph, he simply herded me out the door. Ralph assured me we were going out to eat. Soon we arrived at the local A&W drive-in. Ralph ordered two chicken in a box dinners to go and off we went. We chowed down in a nearby thicket, I thanked my friend as we each headed home. 

I had only been home about an hour, sitting in my room when I heard my Dad call me to the front room. There standing in the doorway was Friend Ralph and his parents. I greeted them but the look on their faces told me this wasn’t a warm and fuzzy social visit. I was especially concerned with my Dads serious facial expression. Straight to the point Dad asked if I had taken 20 bucks out of Ralph’s moms purse. I was stunned and my 8 year old mind went numb. I pleaded that I knew nothing about it. All the Adults expressions shifted from serious to that of disbelief while Ralph avoided direct eye contact with me. The last thing I would ever do was to intentionally embarrass my Father much less do it by lying. As my denial continued, my accusers persisted. Could this actually be happening? My hero, my Dad, standing before me as I was being totally forthcoming , not believe me? 

I was in a fog. I saw Dad slip Ralph’s parents 10$ and close the door behind them. As the door latched, I stood there on edge not knowing my fate. Even at 8 years old, I couldn’t remember a time where my Dad hadn’t treated me a person, talking to me as such, with respect as well as expecting the same in return. “Raymond, I will ask you one last time, did you take that money?” I explained the dinner invite etc.. He said he believed me and said I could go back to my room. The evening went on and the incident was never mentioned again. To this day I am thankful for the lesson learned that day. As I strive to break chains that bound my father and presented obstacles in my life’s journey, I can only pray that I maintain the anchoring chain of empathy, trust and respect demonstrated so many years ago. I love you Dad and Happy Birthday in Heaven. Amen 

I am sorry

Three simple words , without knowing the context, have endless implications/applications. A simple accidental bump into someone,  if you interrupt someone, a common courtesy, These type of apologies are typically immediate. The phrase is a polite gesture allowing us to coexist in a somewhat civil society. Making amends can also vary culturally. For example, in Japan the word for sorry is “gomen”. If you are at fault in a car accident, even before judgement and damages are awarded, you are culturally expected to offer what is referred to as “gomen money”. Those familiar with the Far East understand that “saving face”, a karma centered ideology, yields a population of humility and tolerance. I admire the Japanese tact that it in a sense, requires a time of reflection as well as setting the stage for the more western ideology of forgiveness. 

Humility and forgiveness go hand in hand

I have often wondered if it is possible to forgive without an apology. Additionally, must you forgive when an apology is given. For me I believe the answer is simple. If the apology is sincere, it makes it easy to forgive.

However, If insincerity is present does the apology mean anything? I remember when I was around 10, being full of myself, sharing with my Dad Tony, how someone had wronged me and the next day she had apologized to me. I smugly shared, “I told her I didn’t accept her apology”. He immediately scolded me and made it clear that if someone makes the effort to apologize, you damn well better accept it. Looking back, my not wanting to accept the apology was a lapse in judgment in the form of wanting to hurt, those that hurt me. The apology and her taking ownership was the key to breaking the cycle of vengeance and arrogance. We are human, as the Bible says in Matthew 5 23:25, if you come to the altar with a gift but have conflict in your heart with your brother, leave immediately and go to your accuser so that you may resolve the conflict, and then once again return to the altar with a clear heart. 

If an apology never comes? That’s where forgiveness in order for you to move forward is so crucial. 


Peace to you.