So where are you going for Thanksgiving? When are you coming over for Christmas? Are you coming over for Easter?
As a man, I can understand that from a primitive standpoint, traditional gatherings are clan-like in nature. Similar to a wolf pack returning from a hunt paying homage by nuzzling the Alpha wolves of your pack, cementing each other’s places in the hierarchy and keeping the pack strong.
“A daughter’s a daughter for the rest of her life, a son is a son til he takes a wife”
As this poem so prophetically describes, I propose it IS the wife/woman that establishes family tradition. This is a great responsibility not to be taken lightly.
As the husband/male on the other hand, I see that my role is to support the traditions my wife is establishing as long as,
- The intention of these traditions is to first and foremost keep our nuclear family strong
- They contribute to the bonding of the extended family clan/tribe.
These extended relationships and bonds are like bank accounts where the parties involved each put in 60/60 so when times get tough, there is always 20% left in the account. This means at times this may be inconvenient uncomfortable.
Cautiously, I must confess I have reluctantly attended gatherings under duress for the benefit of the clan. Again cautiously, I admit sometimes they sucked 🙂 but usually there was laughter and sense of belonging.
Standing back, I can also see that it wasn’t about me but the next generation of boys/young men watching my actions/learning their role in the clan by MY example.
May our traditions be healthy and become something bigger than ourselves that keep our families strong .
Happy Holidays and may the dysfunction be forever in your favor. Peace.