Recently I gained the privilege of residing six decades in the form of animated stardust on this blue marble hurling through space. I have often referenced the legacies of my two dads Gerald and Tony. In Life Lessons (Sins of the Father), I highlighted the obstacles they overcame and becoming keenly aware that the torch had been passed, and the next generation would be watching ME. In another Legacy post, I shared that in my late twenties I had a nightmare of having to choose between my Dad and my kids.
“A dream that my father was still alive and had reverted back to substance abuse. He was reaching out to my boys with a somewhat crazed look in his eyes. It was a nightmare! I had to choose between the man who I had learned unconditional love from, and the precious beings in the world to me, my kids”
But First……
Those familiar with the premise of the book Subtle Art Of Not Giving a F*ck , might appreciate as I do, the ultimate challenge we face as humans is our own mortality. Our primitive instinct to survive conflicts with the thought of no longer existing. Simply put, We Fear Death.
For centuries and still today, millions of humans innate fear of death is pacified by organized religion with hope and the promise of an afterlife.
Paraphrasing Manson’s proposition: As we age we have to deal with the inevitable. Beyond getting right with the holiest of holies, another way of managing the stress of this “inconvenient truth”(apologies to Al Gore) is by finding a way to “live on, or “keep your spirit alive” long after you return to being stardust.
For the privileged few such as oil barons and captains of industry, some who (without batting an eye) built their wealth on the sweat and toil of the blue collar demographic, suddenly find themselves in their twilight years and just like that!, metaphorically transform into philanthropic pillars of society. Carnegie Hall., Rockefeller center, Medical center wings, and Science foundations cannot be developed fast enough.
Namesake buildings prominently forever carry their names, etched in in stone.. perhaps their names on the side of buildings is cheap insurance in case the promise of an afterlife didn’t “pan out” or in keeping with church doctrine, St. Peter sends them to “the other place “.
In Mansons sequel “A Book about Hope”, we have have three stages in life, childhood, adolescence and adulthood . As a child our instinct for survival is strong and selfish and totally dependent on others and the fear of death is instinctual. Adolescents feel immortal and are transactional in nature. Selfish but ambitious motives rooted in “what’s in it for them”? Always at the ready to trade up for something better. “Adult”motives for the most part aren’t transactional by rather based on a given set of values.
As now a Sexagenarian, and the dad of five, I see each of my kids move from one stage to the next. As Manson so aptly describes, my children were fully dependent, adolescents only did what served their interests but one thing Manson left out was the transition from adolescence into adulthood. Just as I did in my late twenties, with my dads, my “kids” have questioned some of my parenting decisions during their upbringing. Thinking of my dads, their response would have been a 1000 yard stare and that would have ended the conversation. Personally, at first my emotional brain prods the ego to act out until my adult logical brain recognizes this as a rite of passage. Personally I have not the means for philanthropic endeavors but take solace in the fact that as I pass the torch to eventually return to stardust, I have no regrets.
Peace -Goroyboy
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