Frozen in Time by Raymond Roy

Why are you looking at me like that?

Did I do something wrong?

My senses suddenly become sharper,, ears feel hot, “tick…tock”..I hear a clock ticking nearby

Tick tock, tick tock

Survival mode, pupils dilate

Tick Tock…

Why is the door locked?

Tick tock…

I feel I should run but my feet weigh heavy like cinderblocks

Tick tock..

Under my loose fitting shirt, I feel a bead of nervous sweat run down my rib cage

Tick…..tock….tick ……..tock….everything is in slow motion,

I am terrified, Why can’t I scream?

Tick…..tock You manipulate me like clay..

Tick tock…Tick tock… tick tock… tick tock

If I say anything, I am a bleeding heart victim and an attention whore.

When you are a victim of abuse, you don’t always understand what is happening which IS one of the reasons many victims fall prey.Innocence. Especially children. You become frozen and confused.

Once you realize the brevity of what happened, guilt and shame set it….you feel alone. This is a lie.. You are NOT alone

Peace

-Royboy

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4 thoughts on “Frozen in Time by Raymond Roy

    1. Thank you my friend. Perhaps a little rambling here…What a conundrum, From a survivors perspective, in my opinion, our nature is to be tolerant and be content with “normal” day to day…until…. they see other survivors or victims in harms way… basically they will speak up for others before themselves.. at that point, there is a sense that they need to justify standing up, what is the prerequisite? Must you be a survivor to qualify? As Dr. Ford experienced, that still wasn’t good enough for many…Peace to you Carol

      1. You are right about some survivors of abuse who learn to “feel” the suffering of others acutely and take a stand to help, even if they know it will bring strong opposition and further abuse, as it did for Dr. Ford. I sometimes wonder, though, about other survivors who become bullies or abusers themselves, perhaps not even realizing that adversity hardened their hearts. Hence, the cycle continues. Yet pieces like the one you shared, Ray, may touch even hardened hearts. Peace to you, dear friend. ❤

      2. Yes ,yes yes! What an important question. Where does the cycle end? I was blessed to have an opportunity before I was a teen to escape and experience a stable environment. My sister and I have discussed one of our “step siblings” who was not so lucky. I can’t speak to whether she became an abuser but was quite bitter and withdrawn.
        During Marine boot camp you may have enjoyed being a social observer/ “fly on the wall” watching “would be bullies” exposed by our tough but fair Drill Instructors. “You are all equally worthless” I can still hear them say…..Lol

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