Taking the “Senses” by Raymond Roy #fiction

Taking Census, approaching the building

Glare of the sun reflecting off the abandoned hotel, pierced my eyes .. stench of a body filled my nostrils, sharp gravel on bare feet kept me shifting from one foot to the other.

Looking through open window

Blanket of blowflies over the corpse imprinted on my brain. A crack of a twig, The hardness of a gun on the back of my head. Dropping down turning and then with an upward thrust of the heel of my hand, forcing my assailant’s septum into his brain.

Walking away from the building.

Writing: Nobody home.

Word Count- 100

Written for Friday Fictioneers Thanks for hosting Rochelle and thanks to Yarnspinner for the photo prompt.

Peace.

46 Comments

  1. Loved the way you delivered this… The short, staccato-like sentences… Kinda wonder who didn’t want him snooping around… best not to find out, though!

  2. I must say I’m impressed by the martial arts skills of your census taker. He must have quite a rough background to be sufficiently confident to kill in that situation. Good story; great narrative voice, with the choppy phrases.

  3. Dear Raymond,

    The clipped delivery in this piece is so effective. Reminds me a little of Dragnet. Just the facts, ma’am. All in a day’s work. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  4. The clipped sentences really enhance the mood. I love that the census taker has ninja-like skills. Sounds like he’s in the rough end of the neighbourhood. 🙂

    1. Yes Jen he certainly is Lol.. not sure if you are a Charles Bronson fan but this would be typical of one of his characters.. “just trying to mind his own business “… thanks for checking it out!

  5. Every census takers nightmare, for sure. I remember the last one I spoke with, a wonderful woman whom I sure I had on a bullet proof vest, and I know was packing.

    1. Thank you Yarnspinner. Happy Friday the 13th. Intriguing prompt. May I ask where this was taken? It reminds me of the embassy scene in “The Killings Fields”.

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