Recently finished a good read, George Simon’s “In Sheep’s Clothing”. Luckily for me, this is not a book report as Mrs.Van Zant, my 7th grade English teacher would definitely be looking for more content. I did however want to share Simon’s well defined potential outcomes and my take on potential outcomes if you chose to continue a relationship with a manipulative person.
1. You lose/They win
The ultimate prize for the manipulator. You have been defeated and are under their control. Why would the manipulator change any behaviors? The manipulative person has exactly what they want. The outcome: you continue to be bound by the unhealthy social contract you signed with your submission to the MP. Standby for the next round of torment. Although you may not deserve it, you are asking for it.
2. You win/ They lose
Talk about petting the cat backwards! In my experience manipulative people tend to be parasitic in nature slowly drawing life’s blood from their host. Much like ripping a full tick off a of dog, the head will likely remain and burrow ever deeper toward ones soul. At all costs, this outcome is nowhere to be found in manipulator’s playbook.
3. You Lose/They lose
Disturbingly this IS acceptable as compared to the “you win /they lose” scenario. To lose control of their targets(and control is what this is all about) is to lose everything. A sobering example is murder/suicide where the, “if I can’t have you(control you), nobody will” plays out.
4. You win/They win
Ding! Ding! Ding! Simon proposes and I have to agree that allowing the MP to win at least at some level will allow them to “turn tail and run” with some dignity intact. It will also show what mercy and compromise looks like.
If this Manipulative Person is someone close to you, perhaps a relative. A sibling or parent, it might be worth honestly looking at your own tendencies as well. Perhaps Together you can recognize mutual unhealthy tactics, making these unhealthy manipulative habits the target rather than each other. This truly would be a Win/Win